Excerpt from FAMOUS DEAD CANADIANS
by Joanne Stanbridge
illustrated by Bill Dickson
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A Final Word about Renowned Historian Plumley Norris
The Post & Mail Newspaper January 30, 1997
Prof Pays the Price Over Brock Blunder
OTTAWA – After a blunder which left his reputation in ruins, the eminent Canadian historian Dr. Plumley Q. Norris resigned yesterday from his position with the Extremely Important Institute of Canadian Studies (EIICS). Last month, Norris startled viewers of the national news show "This Is the News" by twice referring to the famous British general, Sir Isaac Brock, as Mr. Big-Head.
The professor's first slip-up occurred when Norris remarked that the Battle of Queenston Heights was "marred by the death of Mr. Big-Head." He giggled and apologized, explaining that he sometimes assigns "little made-up names" to historical figures "so I can remember them better." But forty-seven seconds later Norris repeated the blunder, asking viewers to imagine what might have happened if Mr. Big-Head had lived longer."
The flustered professor then tried to justify his error by demonstrating the large size of Brock's skull. First he twisted his bow-tie around his head, but was apparently unable to remove it. Then he measured the circumference of a metal wastebasket, placed it upside down over his head, and continued his lecture. Executive producer Toni-Jack Jenningsley said, "It was great. He sounded exactly like Darth Vader."
Norris's colleague, Dr. Lois Williams, said, "He's been studying Brock's hat for two whole years. He just finished a paper about the brim and he was starting on the ostrich feathers. People don't realize how stressful this kind of research can be."
Brock ordered the cocked hat from England, but was killed during the War of 1812 before he had a chance to wear it.
When questioned about his blunder, Norris would say only, "Sixty-three centimeters is extremely large, even for the twenty-first century skull." He declined to comment on his resignation, or to confirm rumours that he has been hired to drive a cab for a local taxi company.
From Famous Dead Canadians, copyright © Joanne Stanbridge and Bill Dickson.
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