Excerpt from THE ACTUAL TOTAL TRUTH by Karen Rivers
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So I suppose there is an outside chance that I’ll never dive again. Maybe I’ll quit diving, as well as gymnastics. Not that anyone has paid any notice to the fact that I’ve quit gymnastics. This is because of the following:
- The New Baby
- The New Baby
- The New Baby
Basically, the New Baby, or BaaBaa, as I’ve decided to call him (Nicholas Zane…NZ…New Zealand…sheep…get it?), cries all the time. (When he cries it sounds a bit like Baaaa Baaaa too.) I think he does it in his sleep. The end result of this is that everyone is so tired that no one cares about anyone else, anything else, or even themselves. Everyone is staggering around in a daze. You should see my mum. I swear, she hasn’t even bothered to shower since she got home from the hospital. She’s beginning to look an awful lot like a witch. And she smells! Just a bit, but you don’t want to get too close. Also, she is spending an amount of time crying. Between her crying and BaaBaa baahing, well, it’s enough to make me cry, to tell you the honest to Pete truth. Shane and Marly have gone to stay with their mum temporarily, and/or until we can get the house completely soundproofed. It was my understanding when I took the course that babies slept eighteen hours a day. Oooh, boy that’s funny.
Ha dee ha ha.
I’m pretty much going to write an email to the people who run that course to say, “What are you thinking? You can’t lie to people! Babies never sleep! They cry all the time! And they aren’t that cute, really are they? They stink! And poo! And barf!” I’m fairly confident that they could completely get rid of the whole “teen pregnancy problem” they are always rattling on about in health class by just showing people what babies are really like.
I’m serious.
From The Actual Total Truth. Text copyright © 2007 by Karen Rivers. All rights reserved.
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